Real Women. Real Experiences. – Amber G
I feel like my birth stories deserve a little bit of a preface because I don’t want to be another one of those horror stories you hear or read while pregnant. I hope my story reassures others that science and the medical field is a crazy cool thing and has given me the opportunity to birth two amazing baby girls. I want to share my story because after my first I felt so alone, I didn’t have anyone that I could connect with. Fortunately, after some time & therapy, I have been able to step back and look at the beauty in my experience. If it wasn’t for an amazing medical team things could have gone very differently. My experiences were both very beautiful and natural in their own ways. My deliveries were what my body needed to deliver two healthy babies and for that, I will forever be grateful & proud.
Q: Tell me about yourself. Where are you from? How many kids do you have?
A: Hi! I am Amber, a proud C-section mamma of two girls: Elida (2) & Emina (5 months). My husband and I are high school sweethearts and live in Madison, WI. I am a designer but currently taking a break from my career to raise our girls at home.
Q: How was your pregnancy? The good? The bad? How was your labor and delivery? Did you birth at home? Hospital? C-section?
A: Both of my pregnancies were rough due to extreme morning sickness that lasted until about 6 months. I survived on lots of saltine crackers but seriously wondering why on earth they call it morning sickness when it lasts ALL day long. The worst part was I would rarely puke… I’d spend hours dry heaving just looking for some sort of relief. I tried a bunch of different anti-nausea pills, vitamins, and “tricks” found on the internet but with everything, the side effects were worse than just enduring nausea.
Baby 1:
When pregnant with my oldest it was in the heart of the pandemic. I found out just as the world was shutting down which meant I had to attend all my appointments alone which added a whole new level of fear … you weren’t just trying to navigate the new Covid world but trying to navigate it while pregnant was very confusing. Then, my biggest fear came true, at 8 months pregnant I tested positive. At this time, they had no idea what that meant for pregnant women so I had to start NST testing and ultrasounds weekly, which I again, had to attend alone. At 39 weeks they decided it was best to induce me due to the unknown fetal effects. My prenatal care up to this point was all done by midwives. Leading up to my induction I started to get this feeling that something was off and turns out, you should always listen to your gut instincts. I had my heart set on what I considered at that time to be a “natural birth” … baby girl had a very different plan in play. I was in active labor for 3 — yes, 3 whole days. It was miserable; extremely painful, mentally & physically draining but I had my heart set on vaginal delivery. I was finally dilated to a 10 & crowning and thought the moment was near and suddenly the baby's heart rate disappeared. Everything changed instantly and I was suddenly being run down the hallway while nurses and doctors were cutting my birthing gown off me and pouring iodine on me and preparing me for an emergent c-section. I was awake watching doctors and nurses running and yelling for things while crying for my husband to be let in with me. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. My uterus kept pulling the baby back in as they were trying to get my muscles to release and relax … the doctor had to make the quick call to cut my uterus in both directions to get our baby out as quickly as possible and provide her the support she needed. I have what they call a T-incision. My c-section scar is horizontal like others but just a few inches longer than usual. Elida was taken out of me and rushed off. We didn’t hear a sound. We didn’t know if she was alive, she was quickly being cared for by the neonatal team and then taken to the NICU. It wasn’t until an hour or two later that I was then able to see for the first time & meet my beautiful, healthy baby girl who was extremely bruised and just needed the CPAP machine to breathe. Elida spent 5 days in the NICU, and we were then all discharged as a family.
Baby 2:
Pregnant again & not expected. Googling all over the internet “birth with t-incision” turns out I’m either a unicorn or this is something women don’t talk about. I’m no longer a candidate for midwives and must be seen by an OB with closer watch because I’m now at high risk for uterus rupture…. So, I was confused, what does that mean? Simply - you’re not allowed to contract, and you’re not allowed to go to term. So, should I even be pregnant? Thankfully I was reassured over and over that I was safe to carry out my baby and would just be watched closely. Every pregnancy has risks, but I was put into the higher risk category now because with my t-incision I have scar tissue that goes with the grain of the muscle and also against that grain in the shape of the letter T, which is why if you were to go into active labor the contractions would likely pull that scar tissue apart and cause rupture. Sounds scary right? Turned out my second pregnancy was by far the better of the two experiences and I’m so glad that I did end up pregnant and have a second chance because it was beautiful and natural in its own way. At 35 weeks I went into a routine checkup complaining of pelvic pressure and what I assumed were Braxton hicks. Turns out I was 2 cm dilated and contracting regularly so I was sent to triage to see if they could hydrate me and stop the contractions. After 4 hours I was still having them consistently, so we decided it was safest for both the baby and myself to meet her that day. I was awake and prepped and kept comfortable with my husband by my side the entire time. Our little girl came out crying. Both my husband and I looked at each other and started to cry because this was something we had never got to experience the first time. She was cleaned up and shown to me and then I opted for my husband to go off to the NICU with her. Our little girl spent several days in the NICU while they supported her breathing until she was considered to term at 36 weeks and handling things well on her own. This time around I was up and walking just hours after my planned c-section. I left saying I could have a million babies if it were this easy every time.
Q: Describe your postpartum experience. Did you experience postpartum depression? Postpartum anxiety? Postpartum rage? Were you aware of these things postpartum?
A: Postpartum is hard…debatably harder than pregnancy itself. With my first I had such a traumatic birth experience that I was still trying to process everything that happened, accept that I had a C-section, figure out how to take care of a tiny selfless human, push through the pain I was having physically and then the ENGORGEMENT... my god why does no one tell you how painful it is when your milk comes in for your first… and then the plugged ducts if you don’t stay on top of pumping if you're an over supplier. Looking back on it now it’s no wonder I had such bad PPD. I remember crying most nights at the dinner table telling my husband I was a failure. I don’t know honestly if I was more upset about the pain I was in or the fact that I had to care for this child that I felt like a stranger to. It turns out all of that was just the devil itself, postpartum depression. After 2 months of “trying to kick it,” I started an antidepressant and started to feel like myself again and then truly started to enjoy motherhood.
To all women who have struggled with PPD, I’m happy to inform you that doctors do not lie when they say every pregnancy and postpartum experience is different. During the second pregnancy, I felt so differently. I instantly bonded with our baby, I’ve yet to shed any tears and have truly enjoyed every aspect of this journey.
Q: Did you breastfeed? If so, how did that go for you? If it was challenging, what were your challenges?
A: The first time around I quit after 3 months. I had thrush and my mental health was horrible. I found it draining and too demanding on my body while trying to adapt and heal. The second time around breastfeeding has been a breeze. I choose to both feed from the breast and pump. Pumping is easier with taking care of my toddler. I’ve enjoyed this time around even with getting thrush again. To all the thrush-prone mammas out there I’ve learned to sleep without a bra, don’t use nursing pads, wear layers of cotton, use coconut oil & take garlic supplements.
Q: Did you have any pregnancy cravings?
A: Cereal. Lots of tear-jerking movies & fights with my husband over food. Yes, tears were shed when he was minutes late for my McDonald’s breakfast or when he ate the last string cheese.
Q: What's something you never knew about until you were pregnant?
A: How much discharge, like why. And why on earth do your nipples get so large. All things red will cause heartburn and TUMS are your best friend. Doggie poop bags make great barf bags to carry in your purse.
Q: What was something that surprised you about your postpartum journey?
A: You’ll never get your body “back” it’s all about loving your new body and caring for that one. Don’t forget we created a human or multiple. Be proud of your hips. Give yourself grace. Don’t forget to check in with your partner, it’s an adjustment for them too. Open communication is key.
Q: If there was a gift to give a new mom, what would it be?
A: Frida's mom boy-shorts. Lactation massagers. And coming to do her laundry or dishes.
Q: If you could give a new mom some advice what would it be?
A: Don’t try to control the things you can’t. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to mourn your old life. It’s okay to want alone time. It’s okay to not be okay. Being a mom is hard. If you trust yourself & your instincts, it’ll get a lot easier. Most importantly it’s OKAY to ask for help.