Real Women. Real Experiences. – Shauna W
Q: Tell me about yourself. Where are you from? How many kids do you have?
A: My name is Shauna, and I live in Aurora, IL. I have one child: a 4 month old baby girl named Lilian.
Q: How was your pregnancy? The good? The bad?
A: For me, pregnancy was filled with anxiety. Our baby girl was the culmination of many years of different fertility treatments, and she was our third pregnancy after two miscarriages in 2021. After our 2nd miscarriage, we had made a decision to take a break because I needed to - my mental health was the worst it had ever been and I needed some time to heal. Shortly after making the decision to take a break, we found out we were pregnant without fertility treatments. I was equal parts excited and terrified - I truly didn't know how I would survive if I lost another pregnancy. I scrutinized and agonized over every symptom (or lack of symptom) for weeks, and every week leading up to a doctor's appointment was very challenging mentally for me - I was afraid the upcoming appointment would be the one where I found out I was losing the pregnancy. Ultrasound scans were the hardest for me. It took me until we crossed the halfway point and completed the anatomy scan that I finally started to relax and enjoy certain aspects of pregnancy. I loved feeling the baby move inside me.
Q: How was your labor and delivery? Did you birth at home? Hospital? C-section?
A: Because of my age and history of high blood pressure pre-pregnancy, both my OBGYN and MFM doctor recommended scheduling an induction around 38 weeks. I did not want to do this - my blood pressure had been great throughout pregnancy, and I wanted the experience of going into labor the "natural" way. At an ultrasound appointment at 38 weeks, they were estimating the baby's weight to be 8 1/2 pounds, and strongly recommended induction again, and I agreed. We had a hospital birth, and a couple hours after starting pitocin I had my water broken by the doctor. Once this happened, my contractions really ramped up and I had intense back labor. I had hoped to go as long as possible without an epidural, but the back pain was excruciating. I only made it 2 hours before needing the epidural, and I am so thankful that option exists for women! I was able to rest for a couple hours before transitioning into active labor. After being in active labor for over an hour, the nurse started to mentally prepare me that if I didn't progress further, I may require a C-section, because the baby started to have a decelerated heart rate after my contractions. I very much wanted a vaginal delivery but the most important thing to me was a healthy baby (and me, too!), so I went to work and pushed as hard as I could. After two hours of pushing, I had a successful vaginal birth and our baby was born. We didn't know the baby's sex throughout pregnancy, and I will never forget the moment that my husband announced we had a baby girl - he and I were SO certain we were having a boy. It was a magical moment and I loved having her on my chest and holding her in that hour after she was born.
Q: Describe your postpartum experience. Did you experience postpartum depression? Postpartum anxiety? Postpartum rage? Were you aware of these things postpartum?
A: I experienced postpartum anxiety. I had heard a lot about postpartum depression and heard a little about postpartum anxiety prior to birth. A lot of my postpartum anxiety was centered around breastfeeding and feeding Lilian.
Q: Did you breastfeed? If so, how did that go for you? If it was challenging, what were your challenges?
A: While I was pregnant, I had all these ideas of what my breastfeeding journey would look like. I was excited to exclusively breastfeed my baby and even looked into storage options in my freezer because I was so certain I would be successful and have an oversupply. When Lilian was born, my milk did not come in right away, which I have since learned is normal but I didn't know that at the time. She also struggled to latch, and I worked with lactation consultants in the hospital for help. They gave me a nipple shield which did help a little with the latching. We needed to feed the baby, but my milk was still not coming in at the hospital, and I was very against feeding with a bottle. The lactation consultants helped show me how to do syringe feeding through my nipple shield with formula - a task that requires more than two hands, and I needed their help every time I fed my baby. My milk still had not come in by the time it was time to leave the hospital, so they sent me home with more syringes, ready to eat formula, and nipple shields. My husband would try to help with syringe feeding but overnight feedings I was mostly on my own. I felt so proud that I was starting to figure it out, and felt certain that Lilian was getting what she needed both from my breast (my milk FINALLY was coming in) as well as the syringe feeding. When we took her to the pediatrician a day after she had been home, we found out she had lost a whole pound since she was born, and lost more weight since she was last weighed at the hospital. I was devastated - I thought I was giving my daughter what she needed, and she was not being fed enough. I continued to power through with syringe feeding, but feedings were taking me an hour or more, and both Lilian and I were so frustrated. I continued to work with a lactation consultant, who after a 2nd meeting with me at my home told me she thought I should switch over to pumping and feeding with a bottle. I was devastated, and I was relieved. I don't know how much longer I could have continued as I had been. I've been pumping ever since, and we supplement with formula. My baby is fed, and she is still getting breast milk - just not the way I envisioned.
Q: Did you have any pregnancy cravings?
A: Burgers and Pizza! I joked that my appetite reverted to that of a college person. Someone said something interesting to me that I think is true: our body has a way of craving what it needs. My iron was low throughout pregnancy, which is maybe why I was craving red meat as much as I was!
Q: What’s something you never knew about until you were pregnant?
A: How hard it is to get good sleep the last 1-2 months of pregnancy. I was so tired all the time, but I couldn't sleep. I hated when people would tell me to "sleep before the baby comes!" because I could not. Of course getting sleep with a newborn was challenging, but for me it was as difficult to get good rest while being 9 months pregnant, too.
Q: What was something that surprised you about your postpartum journey?
A: Obviously breastfeeding/pumping. But also that I could fill up a whole day sitting on the couch with a baby and not be bored. I often wondered what I would do all day with a baby, and was surprised once she was here how each day would fly by.
Q: If there was a gift to give a new mom, what would it be?
A: Food! I had no energy to make healthy meals for myself. I had prepared some freezer meals for us before Lilian was born, but it was great to have meals dropped off by family, too (without the expectation for a long visit!).
Q: If you could give a new mom some advice what would it be?
A: Don't compare yourself or your journey to others. Your journey with your baby and your family is yours alone - you will figure out what you need to do to make it work for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help or advice when you need it. Postpartum can be lonely, so reach out to your support system when you need to.